it's no big deal really..... i think all my girlfriends have been meateaters in fact. I'd prefer someone who didnt eat too much processed food though, cause it makes you smell.

for a brief fling fine, but i have never had any serious relationship with a meat eater - not sure if i could. bottom line is my dietary choices are a reflection of my values, which I look to share with any long term partner.

r

I am in a life partnership with a man who eats meat. We've been together for several years; I became a vegetarian a few years into our partnership. He's been very supportive and understanding of my choices, but he's made it clear that he's uninterested in vegetarianism. He's very good about helping me to read labels and find foods that I want to eat, and he's very open about trying foods that seem exotic to him (nutritional yeast, anyone?).

While he often likes to tease me by saying "this would be better with chicken", he's been respectful and supportive. Sometimes I'm a little put off at the idea of kissing him just after he's eaten meat, but that's the only real problem I've had with our dietary disparities. In other ways, our philosophies and sets of ethics merge beautifully, so I'm comfortable- no, I'm thrilled- to be with him.

I can no longer date anyone who is not vegan. I used to always end up with meat-eaters because of lack of options. In the end, I'd always end up depressed, or atleast feeling like something major was missing. I'd end up feeling disconnected from the person. Being vegan, for me, is not just about what we eat when we're hungry. It's a lifestyle, a commitment, a deep connection I've made. So, to disconnect from that and pretend I don't mind that the person I'm dating eats animals is being untrue to myself and who I am.

I will never again kiss someone who has dead animal particles in his saliva (what fun is kissing if it makes you want to puke?). Having a physical relationship with someone who gets his energy from a negative source such as meat doesn't seem like a good idea, either.

This one meat-eater I dated...I thought about it and figured "If we get married, and my life-style choices bring me a long healthy life (If I'm lucky, it could happen), do I really want to spend it taking care of someone who will probably be in and out of hospitals for heart problems and other meat-related issues?" No. Meat eating causes so many health problems and I don't want to be a widow. I realize it can happen anyway from something else, but why dive headfirst into a situation that will probably end sadly?

It is hard when there aren't a lot of vegans around, but I'd rather not date than date just to date.

In the past, if I were interested in someone, and the person wasn't vegan...I'd share what I know about veganism (if they wanted to know), I wouldn't be rude about it or push the issue, but I'd answer questions about veganism (they always ask if they even care about you at all), and give a "Why Vegan?" booklet to the person. Over time, if the person decided to become vegetarian or vegan on his own, then I'd decide to date the person seriously. If not, I'd eventually move on to find happiness. A lot of my ex's became vegan or atleast vegetarian, out of their own free will and exploration of knowledge (with my help, but still) and still are to this day, after we've long been broken up. The others, they still eat meat, and over time I see them become unhealthy as they get older.

It's a real drag letting yourself love someone who thinks it's okay to factory farm, kill and eat animals. How can I truly LOVE someone who thinks this is okay?

You have to plan ahead. I know that on a first date most people don't think about the future, kids, marriage, etc. But for me, I don't let myself fall into the trap of "I wasn't thinking about that" and then suddenly after some time passes you find yourself to be in love with a meat eater. I think of it from day one. IF I end up wanting to be with this person, does he fit the description I need him to fit, in order for my own happiness?

I can't live in a non-vegan household and have to smell meat cooking and touch greasy meat dishes. I can't have children and have 50% of their parental guidance be to eat meat. Things are tough enough on children these days, the least we can do for them is provide a stable eating and health environment, and not make them make tough decisions such as meat eating or veganism at such a young age. Also, I wouldn't want them trying to decide whether they want to side with mom or dad. They shouldn't have to "side with" one parent or the other, it's better to just make a decision on which way to raise the child (in my case: vegan).

The person I'm with now is vegan, and if I weren't with him I'd probably not be dating since there aren't tons of vegans to choose from here. Even if you live near 10 vegans, you might not want to date any of them.
If we weren't dating, I'd just be spending more time on saving money to move to a place where more vegans live.

It's all about dating a meat-eater and then converting them.

I did it sometimes... usually I converted them (accidently?), or else things would just lose their luster pretty quick. Dating someone that eats 'cat food' instead of 'food', gets a little weird for me eventually. ;)

Suppose the issue is not eating this or that, but being concious of food and what it does to you on both physical and mental levels. Actually, I became vegan after a long-term relationship with a girl who was allergic to milk; I mean seriously allergic. Years later, I found that dating a diabetic was inspiring, too, in a similar way. Yogis (at least those who try to implement ayurveda in their lives) are another crowd that is comfortable with picky menus and subtle choices.

I've never dated anyone who WASN'T a meat-eater at first, however...


I had a boyfriend of almost 10 months who was a meat-eater but after only 4 or so months he turned vegetarian, and when we broke up he went back to meat-eating. I had NO input at all it was his decision... it was nice while it lasted!
and another time I accidentally turned an ex boyfriend vegetarian, but he turned vegetarian after we broke up, and I even think that he's a vegan now.

I don't mind it as long as they don't eat a hotdog right before he kisses me!

My ladyfriend is a meat-eater, and while I appreciate that she respects my choices and beliefs, I'm finding that I'm having a hard time respecting *her* choices and beliefs. Neither one of us wants to make an issue of it, but I'm the only person in the relationship who *could* make an issue of it.

I'm uncomfortable prefacing "killing and eating animals is wrong," with the words "i think," or "i believe."

killing and eating animals is wrong. period.

i haven't been the least bit preachy. haven't said a word. but something continues to gnaw at me, and i wonder what the odds of her coming around might be. i'm not trying to make a convert -- you never try to change someone. but if she came around on her own... that would be great. lovely girl, great relationship. still.

My wife is not a vegetarian. We've been married about 4 years, and I love her more everyday. She cooks the best food I've ever had, for me nearly every day. I would rather eat her best, than go to my favorite restaraunts. Actually, the fact that she cooks so much (so creative, so happy to please me), means that she eats vegan-style herself much of the time. I would never in a million years dream of pressuring her to become vegan. The most important thing to me is her happiness. Not to mention that she'd probably stop cooking, oh no! lol
Now, I DO express (mildly) my disapproval when she indulges in excessive junk (soda, McD's, instant noodles, etc.). After all, I care about her health (goes with happiness). She appreciates my concern for her, and she makes sure I eat a balanced diet too.
Maybe it's easier for her, since she's from an asian country where tofu and meat come in the same dish! Continuing with that thought, is the converse of this whole question: In a "mixed" relationship, who is it harder for? When we go out to eat, my diet is the major consideration. Travelling becomes more complicated. Going to parties, friends' houses, and in-laws', includes little explanations. That she puts up with this stuff to be with me, is all the more reason that I respect her own stuff.

-mike

-Mike

I was almost vegetarian for several years. During that period of my life all my girlfriends were omnivores and I didn't have any problem.

Later, I decided to go vegan and since I was not in relanshionship everything was allright. My problem began when I started dating a meat-eater girl. At the beginning everything was fine, but after that the tensions started growing at the dinner table. Other than that, our relationship was fantastic. I'm not a preachy guy but it was she who was trying to convert me. Finally, I broke up with her becuase of that.

So I took the decision to date only vegeterians and vegans. Now my problem is there are no vegetarian or vegan women around me!!! For God's sake, what should I do?

I'm a lifelong vegetarian veering toward vegan. I have a Jewish guy fetish. I'm Jewish, so maybe it's not a fetish. Anyway, most of the Jewish boys I meet in NY eat animals. I don't try to convince them to change. Instead, I secretly scorn them. Which seems to work out best for everyone. When I was younger, I had a toothbrushing and flossing policy -- guys had to brush and floss before I'd kiss them. I don't really have the energy to be this hardcore anymore, though the thought of gristle hanging hanging from a molar does not turn me on anymore now than it did when I was eighteen. Okay, I'm going to say something kind of scandalous. Most of the Jewish guys I meet here who are vegetarians are such pussies. I don't mean this in the feline way. I mean it in the horrible, offensive, sexist, I can't believe I just said that way. They wear a lot of purple and have long flowy pony tails, more and more often at the bottom of bald heads. They dance ethereally while playing flute, putting visions in my mind that preclude any possibility of sex. They speak in voices that are strangely soft. Not gentle so much as sapped. In short, the vegetarian men I know, in the main, in my peer group, are not the ones I would date. I find them strange. I am not the only veg woman I know around here who feels we are better off with the meat eaters. Yes, I know I am evil. I wish it were different. I wish I still lived in Madison, where you could find a nice Jewish boy in hemp shoes. Those were the days.

Funny

I am vegan, my ex was vegan- she turned out to be incredibly low down, betrayed me sexually, used me for money and left me with a dear john letter. Now I am hanging with someone who eats fish (as she thinks they are not intelligent- odd, eh?) and she is sweet to me. What is vegan, anyway????

I have been a vegetarian for 4 years now and have currently been dating a non-vegetarian for over a year. I previously dated a vegan for 3 years which is what influenced me to go veg. While my ex had that positive influence on me, his other ethics were far from perfect. He cheated on me multiple times with multiple people and was very controlling and borderline emotionally abusive. How he was vegan surprised me considered how unethical he was in so many other areas of his life. Anyhow, while my current man is not veg, he is very supportive and open minded about my choices. Most of the time he eats veg anyway, except when eating out or going to social gatherings. He never buys meat to cook in the house and would never expect me to cook it. He's health conscious and likes that I'm veg. I have to admit that I had converted to veganism, but loosened up a bit around him (i.e. occasionally eating cheese) because I felt like I wasn't dating the vegan police anymore (my ex used to read all my labels and would make ridiculous claims like "hey that has folic acid in it - it comes from the hair follicles of animals!") Jerk! I don't feel like I have the pressure I do to be so perfect all the time in dating my new beau. I would love if he went veg, but feel like he's so great in so many other ways and respectful of me that I can compromise. He did say that he would expect a veg wedding for us and if/when we have kids, we could raise them veg and at that point he would go veg. Although I'd like him to go veg for himself, not just because we spawned. :) So there is my two cents. Someone that treats you well is golden, above all else! I'd rather date my respectful, loving occasional meateater than a cheating, lying, abusive vegan any day!

Amethyst, great reply. I am so glad to hear a strong and sensible stance by a woman. No wishy-washy, wussy-pussy'ing about it. I'm glad to know at least some women out there think and act as you do. I know there are others. I just wish there were more.

As others here have said, it is a *moral* issue. It isn't about "what is your favorite color," or what music someone likes to listen to ... it's about barbaric and cruel torture and genocide of sentient animals! It's about stupid, idiotic, sickening and deadly health choices which meat and dairy eaters are making, for themselves and for their *children*! And then there is the environmental damage ... and the waste of scarce and precious resources ... with a consequent ruining of the globe for future generations. For what? For some ill-advised gastric experiences?

That said, I'd still date a non-vegan, if she was hot, fun and the sex was good. But the meter would be ticking, the time clock would be running down from day one; and if she wasn't moved by the logic and moral imperative to become vegan, then the relationship would be doomed to end. And becoming "vegetarian" wouldn't suffice either ... either vegan or goodbye.

I agree, that is really disgusting to think of kissing someone after they have eaten animal flesh. Maybe gristle stuck between their molars. Gross!

Anyway, I am heartened by what you write and glad to hear your views.

And I like your outfit! :>)

How about being married to a former vegetarian who is announcing "the need" to be able to have meat in the house? Any thoughts ?

i'm in the same lonely boat and in a moment of weakness signed up on a non-veg dating site soon to regret it and hid my profile. this was after giving up on a veg site (as other posts pointed out being vegan doesn't automatically mean people are more honest/not sleazy) ... janet's post was in '05 and i'm very curious what happened.

i've been vegan for 7 years and vegetarian for 30 years now. i could NEVER date an eat-meater again. food is just too important in a relationship. i don't allow dead animals cooked in my house or even brought into my house...i know, i'm a vegan freak. but no, i couldn't date an eat meater.

This is the first time that I've dated a non-vegetarian in over 2 years. I've been vegan for almost 8 years yet I'm slipping into freegan mode these days(minimally, and never less then veg.). Although me and my current guy have only been seeing eachother for a few months, so far everything is peachy-keen. He prepares raw/vegan food for me all the time and never prepares meat at home (although he will consume it when we go out to eat), he's mainly a cheese-focused person.
Yes our ethics, morals and values are different, however I appreciate a different perspective and we learn from eachother all the time vs. preaching to the choir.

Good luck!

hm. Well, experiences, yes.

One of my major life relationships was with a meat eater. It was okay, not stellar. My longest lasting relationship was with a Vegetarian (lacto, no fish) and that was great. There is so much more of life I can share with a vegan or vegetarian that I can't share with a meat eater.

Now that I am single again, I have had to deal with this delimma. The answer: I will only date vegans or lacto-veg (prefer a vegan, but I can handle dating lacto-veg.) Why? Well, aside from the first month-year of "yes, I'm still veg, no, we can't share anything, no I'm not picking sausage, cheese or any other animal product out of your food so we can share" and then my personal favorite since I have a shellfish allergy: "No, if you order that food, i can't kiss you. No really." Food is a major part of my life, and it is important to be able to share that with whomever I am with. And if we got to the point of living together? I couldn't deal with meat cooking in my home. The smell and sight would make me ill.

I am out to look for a partner in my life, whether that is a partner for a night, a week, a month, a year or a lifetime. I am an old lady and beyond wanting to 'change' the person I am with. I'd rather find someone who is at least familiar with my ethics and morality if not someone who embodies them. I don't really want to spend the rest of my life defending or explaining myself to a meat eater. So I would rather look within my community.

Which, as it turns out, is decidedly small. Where did all the vegan punk rock queer girls go in this 'burg???

I don't understand vegans who say "Food is too important to me!" Food is not at all important to me. I may have thought it was before I became a vegan, but found that it wasn't even remotely true. I eat because I have no other option.

Well, one I guess, but that is tantamount to suicide and that is not an option.

As for having meat in the house, I do because my current foster dog almost died due to food allergies before I got him. I struggled with it for a long time and now I give all five of my companion animals meat, but the cat only eats ocean caught fish and the dogs only eat that and humanly raised and slaughtered animals along with all their veggies. Their monthly food bill is three times what mine is and their combined weight is just less than 60 lbs.

I have bookmarked the page with the links on veg pets and want to at least try it again. I tried before but the foster dog did not do well and the cat killed a lot (and I mean a lot) of small animals. As for now, I have five meat eaters who kiss my face and share my kitchen.