oh, let me explain better what i meant.

for all intents and purposes i am vegan, and i'm not "turning (my) body into a graveyard."

i'm extremely conscious about what food i put in my body, i would say my life pretty much revolves around my diet, not only have i been vegan for 22 years but diabetic for over 35 years.

i'm talking about things like that bun for the vegan veggie burger, like mentioned earlier. or that pastry that *might* contain butter, but no one is certain. or sometimes i'll eat something that has honey in it, especially if i have low blood sugar and there are no other quick-sugar options around. i'm not talking about eating flesh and dairy directly, i'm pretty sure i won't be doing that anytime in the future!

my point was simply that it's sometimes more important to nurture your human relations, and if that means sharing a treat with a friend, or sitting at the same table with your friends who are eating flesh, well, i do it. having said that, however, i don't go to many potlucks because of the poor food options, and i don't go to holiday dinners that celebrate the carcass of a sentient being, etc.

it took me a long time to come to the place i'm at, and no longer will someone's comments about my vegan purity failings affect how i feel about myself, or will someone's judgements on my less-than-100percent vegan purity make me feel anything less than a good human being.

and besides, it's the journey toward living a more conscious and compassionate life that is most important, not whether you've managed 100percent vegan purity.

which, by the way, is a physical impossibility. i challenge anyone here to say they are 100percent vegan, or that such an accomplishment is even possible.

I 100% agree with what both of you are saying and of course that's the way to go.

but just between us, when someone "can not" figure out what to make for a vegan, or "can not" figure out whether an ingredient is okay for us to eat...you know they're totally doing it on purpose right?

I know from being someone who cooks a lot and who cooked a lot before I was vegan. If you tell soemone not to use anything that comes from an animal. No dairy, no eggs, no honey, and of course no flesh of an animal at all.

and they make you veggies in a butter sauce, or rice cooked in chicken stock, or fish!!! you know they're TOTALLY doing it on purpose and none of their claims to the contrary will change that. And therefore to refuse their food that they "tried so hard to make vegan" is not really rude. because their reason for making that food was dishonest and deliberately rude.

They are DELIBERATELY setting a trap for you...you're fucked if you do and fucked if you don't. And here's proof: try it if you don't believe me:

Next time a friend "tries" to make vegan food for you and it has parmesan or chicken stock, or litlle pieces of bacon in it : EAT IT. and I 100% guarantee that THEY will bring up the parmesan (or chicken stock, or bacon) in conversation (thereby proving that they did it on purpose) but they will make it look like they "just remembered" ...and "oh but you're eating it anyway? I thought you were a strict vegan?"

;-) and then they will use that to call you on the purity of your veganism and talk about it behind your back, about how you eat cheese so you aren't really vegan "I know this girl who "SAYS" she's vegan but I made pasta with cheese in it and she totally ate it." ;-)

AND if you refuse it...then you're the asshole vegan..."I went OUT OF MY WAY to make a completely vegetarian dish for her once and she refused to eat it just because there was a little bit of cheese in the sauce...it was like a teaspoon!" (but really it was two cups) ;-)

Of course what you do is the best option, but you know that they'll still talk about how you bring your own food. No matter WHAT you do, it will BECOME vegan preaching even if you say absolutely NOTHING and are as accomodating as you can.

it's a game that they play. Plus the going OUT of their way thing...please...it's easy to make vegan food, and anyone who makes you feel that you are TOO MUCH trouble because you're vegan in my opinion does not deserve to be your friend.

I have one friend (who is borderline a friend now) who called me on how I was ALWAYS talking to him about animal rights (and I never talked to him about animal rights) and one example of me talking about animal rights that he gave me, was when I once told him how excited I was that I had found Sheeze (the vegan cheese) ...yep! according to him that was preaching veganism and animal rights...yep! ;-)

and another was that I dragged him to a vegan restaurant! what a crime! and the worst thing is the restaurant was not even vegetarian, it's a lebanese place in montreal that serves falafel as well as MANY meat dishes...and I even remembered that my wife and I had falafel, but he ate shish taouk (chicken)
;-)

which is why now I have the rule of never sitting to eat at a table on which there is non-vegan food.

and that's the fourth option, which is what I do: I never eat with anyone who is eating non-vegan food. If non-vegans want to eat with me they MUST go to a vegan restaurant with me, or if it's at someone's house it has to be 100% vegan.

that means that I don't go to meat-eaters' parties, so much the better. :-)

Squab is pigeon.

i agree with your words, beesea.